mothers

And since I saw all my mom friends posting these ADORABLE pictures of them and their kids being all cute....I thought I'd share MY Mother's Day pictures.

This is what I got: Lincoln giving DAD the kiss and the other?

Him squirming out of my arms to push the stroller. 

This is my mother's day picture, just keeping it REAL folks. :) 

I'm not sure what's funnier. Lincoln looking like he's busting out of his diaper??

 or me getting kicked in the bladder but still smiling about it??? What I'm really thinking is: "Lincoln, let go of this stupid stroller and act like you love me gosh DANGIT!!!!"

Ryan walked through the door a few weeks ago after work and told me to close me eyes. I love surprises, especially from Ryan. He can be surprisingly romantic. Well, I close me eyes, and when he tells me to open, he has a bouquet of daisies held out for me with a big grin (I'd take daisies over roses ANY day). As pretty as the flowers were, what was even more beautiful were the words he said to me after.

And, in summary, this is what he said. 

I wanted to get you flowers to show you how grateful I am you are able to be home with Lincoln. I know it is hard work, but it's the most important work you could do as a mother. You are a great mom and wife.Lincoln and I are blessed to have you.

Those words were simple but extremely meaningful to me, especially since I've struggled emotionally on becoming a mother even before Lincoln was born. A little background of my struggles...

Ryan and I were married almost 5 years before we got pregnant. He had brought up the "baby-talk" several times in our marriage, but I managed to either sway the topic of conversation onto a different path, or pacify him saying "I'm not quite ready now, I feel I will be soon..." He was ready, I was not. As I look back now, my fears were mostly a result of not feeling like I would be a good mother. I had COMPLETE lack of maternal instincts. I thought my desire would eventually come, but I preferred looking at babies only from a distance. I felt like those maternal instincts and love for babies would eventually find its way in my heart.

And then we got pregnant, unexpectedly.

Before Lincoln was born, I had no hesitation going back to work. I was lucky to have a job I LOVED-- My boss, my friends at work, my hours..... I was foolishly convincing myself that having a baby wouldn't affect me working as a nurse.

But something someone changed whatever plans I had for myself.

Lincoln was born and my life changed. And I knew within the first week of maternity leave I couldn't go back to work as a full-time nurse; I couldn't leave Lincoln with someone else to care for him while I was gone all day. My priorities changed. Any desires that I had for myself were set aside, and the desires I had for Lincoln became my priority.

I knew I wanted to be the one to be home and raise him myself. I wanted to be the one he saw first in the morning and after his naps, I wanted to be the one to feed him, play toys with him, read to him, and chase after him. I was there the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled, the first time he stood and the first time he walked. It's not always easy; it can be tiring and frustrating and I'm working on my patience daily. Some days I think working 2 shifts a month aren't enough, and most days I still feel inadequate as a mother, but through the good, the bad, and sometimes ugly parts of raising a child, I know I am doing the Lord's work and that is the most beautiful thing in the world. I cherish the divine calling I have of being a mother, especially Lincoln's mother. :) I'm grateful 14 months ago I got to become a mother to this wonderful boy..... 

And through everything I have experience so far with Lincoln, my appreciation for my own mother has grown heaps and bounds. She has always been an example of a selfless caring mother and I love her for all that she has, and continues to do for me.

This picture is a few months old, but it's definitely one of my favorites.

surgeons and music

What is the best area for a nurse to work? I'm not really sure. I've only worked as an operating room nurse and although trying something else intrigues me at times, I'm sure I would come running back to the OR after doing what some nurses on the floor have to do.

One aspect of being in the operating room that makes things really interesting/entertaining, is being in tight quarters with the doctors. Don't get me wrong, a majority of the doctor's are very sweet and easy to talk to. However, there are those surgeons that make my eyes pop out and make me stop in my tracks to stare. It's hard to believe that a grown adult could fold their arms and stomp the ground like a little child... literally. Or have a tourrette's episode and start shouting profanities out of NO WHERE and then go back to talking about themselves. Very eye popping. I'm sure you can guess how my day was at work. :) Just a little pet peeve at work, dealing with adult-children.

We do listen to music during surgery. We try to keep it professional, but let's be real here, a majority of the time it's not. And we try to keep the music off when we bring the patient back, but sometimes it just doesn't happen.

I'm going to keep track of songs playing when the patient comes back that you have to run over and shut-off because it's just down right inappropriate. First song on the list:  Knockin' on Heaven's Door by Bob Dylan. Not exactly what you want to hear when you're going in for surgery. Great work week and it's only Tuesday.

13

I'm not a very superstitous person, especially when it comes to friday the 13th. But today, the superstition set in. I went in to work this morning and SURPRISE! I was off orientation and on my own without warning. I have nursing experience and don't need much orienting to my new hospital, but still, give me some heads up why don't ya.

That was only the beginning...

my first case, on my first day off orientation, I had someone from quality control sit in on the case to observe us all. this rarely happens but of course it happened to me. These people stand in the corner with their clipboard, staring you down, and give you the evil eye as they ding you a point every chance they get. She said I did well when she left. Hopefully she wouldn't lie to my face. I'll find out how honest she was in a few weeks.

Ok, quality control is gone. Things should be better right? Wrong. Second case of the day, i have someone from INFECTION control come and say they are sitting in on this case. WHAT THE HECK??? TWO OF THESE PEOPLE IN ONE DAY??? Is this my painful initiation to the operating room? Bring it on!!!!!

Let's just say the curse broke at 3pm when I clocked out and ran out to my car to drive away-- not before grabbing a free cookie from the lounge though. ha. There's something about leaving work on a friday knowing you have a short few days of freedom. I have a big smile on my face right now just thinking about it. :) :) :) :)

Hope you have a grrrreat friday the 13th and a happy joyful weekend of no work.  

Paleo crack for a rough Monday

I'm feeling a little rough today. We are in the process of buying a home and went hunting for "the one" on Saturday. We finally got another car since ole' red died on us and let me tell ya non-Arizonans: House hunting and car shopping in the middle of the AZ summer should be down right illegal. Trying to make big grown-up decisions with sweat dripping in your eyes and down your back is NOT what I had in mind for a Saturday. It is what it is though. We're grateful we're in a position to be buying but our 650 sq foot apartment seemed more appealing afterwards. 

 Plus, today was my first official day back in the operating room. Last week I was doing classroom work so you can imagine the stellar sleep I got last night. The OR nightmares are back. I go to work all day,so having to dream about work the night before should be double over-time right?? Hence, why I'm feeling a little rough on a Monday. Anyhoo, I wanna talk about food now.

I made these forever ago and am finally sharing them. And I had to share because this was a first-timer for me. First time making my very own crackers!!!!

I'm kindof a wheat-thin and triscuit finatic. Especially with some cottage cheese. I can clean out a box for a snack easy-peasy. So on my paleo 30day challenge, I made myself some of my own wheat-thins but paleofied and they are definitely better than that wheat-thin business. Just sayin.

recipe via Primal Palate

2 cups almond flour

1 cup flax seed meal

2 eggs

2 tbs extra virgin olive oil

2 tsp basil

2 tsp oregano

1 tsp sea salt

2 tsp black pepper

2 tsp cumin (didn't use)

2 tsp garlic powder (didn't use)

2 tsp onion powder (didn't use)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In large bowl combine flour, flax and spices. Whisk eggs and pour over flour mixture. Add in olive oil. Sitre all ingredients to form dough.

Roll dough into a large ball and place on parchment lined baking sheet. Cover dough with separate sheet of parchment and roll out in 1/4 inch-thick-layer.

Score dough with knife to desired cracker size.

Bake crackers 15 minutes. let cool, beak crackers into squares, and serve!

Why I got a job

There are many reasons why I needed to get a job. I've been spending too much money, watching too much tv, and baking too much food. It's also an uncomfortable subject when people ask me what I do and I say in all seriousness, "I'm a stay-at-home wife." And of course the spouts of complete boredom where I sit on the couch and stare at the wall. I start next Monday working as a surgical nurse again so this is my last week of freedom and doing whatever the heck I want!

Today though, i reconfirmed to myself that i really do need to start working. When Ryan comes home today and asks what I did I can say with a BIG SMILE on my face, "honey, while you were working all day, I built us a fort."

I love forts. Ryan and I used to make and watch movies in them while we were dating and newlyweds. I'm bringing them back and making our fort so much classier and mature. I even strung some lights and garland. I know this will be a nice surprise when Ryan gets home from a long day at the office. What grown man wouldn't love crawling into a pimped out fort after being stuck at a cubicle all day? My point precisely. Oh, and today he turns 28 so this is also a birthday gift! Ha :)