This third pregnancy was a surprise (and to be honest, so was our first--- clearly, you can see how we roll in this family. HA!) Don't get me wrong---getting pregnant is a huge blessing and I already love this baby with all my heart, but the timing of this pregnancy came during a very difficult time in my life.
Oh Simon. That boy can sure pull on my heart strings and bring a tremendous amount of joy into my life. He is so incredibly sweet, and sensitive, and will stop in the middle of whatever he is playing to walk over to me and give me a big fat kiss and then walk back to his toys in a nonchalant manner. Whenever Lincoln gets hurt or upset, Simon walks over immediately and plants a fat kiss on him and rubs his head. He loves being cuddled and is as sweet as pie, but there's also another side to him. I had been struggling immensely with Simon who requests a lot of attention and loves to be carried ALL.THE.TIME. When I found out I was pregnant, Simon was 13 months and had been sick for almost a month straight, which added to the feeling of being utterly worn out. I still felt like I wasn't able to accomplish or do anything because I was constantly holding him. Long story short, Simon was trying my patience every day and the idea of being pregnant and having another baby seemed nearly impossible.
I knew I was pregnant for almost 3 weeks before telling Ryan. THREE WEEKS! Who waits that long before telling their husband? This emotional-mess-of-a-mama who had little-to-no faith in the timing of this baby and my abilities to care for the demands of a growing family.
The day I told Ryan I was pregnant was on the night of Lincoln's 3rd birthday. We had an awesome weekend celebrating. That night of his birthday, after we put him to bed, I became so emotional (definitely enhanced by the pregnancy hormones). Just thinking of our first born turning three, how big he was getting, how much I hated him losing his arm rolls that had been prominent for so long and that he was practically a teenager and would want nothing to do with us anymore and... well, ya know... all those rational things mothers conjure up in their heads. And that's when my husband suggested we say a prayer of gratitude for our children and for the happiness and joy they've brought into our lives. He said even though these were trying times, that we were grateful to be parents. His prayer was so sincere, humbling, comforting, and anything and everything a wife and mother full of doubt and fear needed to hear. I knew his prayer was truly inspired.
After his prayer, I knew I had to tell him. This moment was perfect to tell him---Not because I was already bawling my eyes out, either :). I walked into the bathroom and pulled out the pregnancy test I had been hiding for the past few weeks and said, "I hope you meant everything you just said, because... we're pregnant again." And literally, without any hesitation, Ryan responded, "Really?? THAT'S AWESOME!"
(sigh) This man is my rock, I tell ya.
I wish I could say that spiritual experience alone erased all my doubts and fears and anxiety over baby #3. It didn't--- but that was definitely the turning point in this pregnancy that made me trust my Heavenly Father and the plan He had for me and my family. I found myself crying... a lot... over the next few weeks. I found myself excessively praying (can you really pray too much??) because I needed help. What I really needed was faith. Faith in myself and faith in Heavenly Father's plan. Thankfully, I had 9 months ahead of me to work on that and luckily, it happened much quicker.
Simon suddenly became more independent and his never-ending sickness finally cleared up. He wouldn't cry when I left the room, which allowed me to feel like I could breathe again. Ryan buzzed his long-locks and we joke that was the turning point for him. Maybe he really did hate having his long hair, but I also like to believe it was Heavenly Father's way of lightening my burden and showing me that things will get better. I know more trials will come my way--- that's part of life. But I know, through this experience and many others I've had, even when those difficult times come, I am not alone. The Lord is aware of me and is aware of what I'm capable of overcoming.
Lesson learned: I so got this! Bring on baby #3 :)
(Don't mind the boys. Lincoln just taking the car out for a drive and Simon crying from stepping on an acorn.)
Just helping that belly get a little bit bigger. Double-fisting those cones, baby.